Yesterday was the first major holiday my family celebrated since my mom passed away. It's fitting that it was Thanksgiving, the day we're supposed to thank the Lord for all He's done this past year. Scripture doesn't have a category for only one day of thanksgiving. Every day, every moment, we are called to give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, and His love endures forever. And yet, it's good to have a special day set aside to be thankful.
I didn't feel like giving thanks yesterday. As we sat around our table with a feast on our plates, the empty chair across from me deepened the ache in my heart. My mom was supposed to be there. Her infectious smile, her boisterous laugh, her words of wisdom that always pointed to Jesus - all gone. I know where she is. She's not lost. Her voice has joined the chorus of saints and angels praising the Lord, but I want her back here. I want her back in our home.
My dad, brother, and I sat on the porch after the meal, our arms sore from playing football. Dad asked how we were doing. We sat in silence for a bit. All three of us knew how we were feeling, but we didn't want to vocalize it. Perhaps the silence would make it less true. Finally, I said, "It feels like she's on a long trip. Like I'll turn a corner, and I'll see her again. And yet, it's not her who's away: it's us. She's home, and we're still on the journey."
Home - what a wonderful word. Every heart aches for it, but every earthly home is broken in one way or another. Our earthly houses are meant to point to our heavenly home.
"In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also." - John 14:2-3
Jesus is coming back soon. He is getting our home ready, preparing each room with meticulous care. I wonder what mine will look like.
As our souls yearn for a place of perfect peace, for holidays with no gaping hole at the table, we must still run this race with faithfulness. "For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." (Psalm 107:9) As we run the race, He is with us in our suffering. Jesus Christ, the Savior of sinners, knows what it's like to celebrate a hollow holiday (John 16:32-33). How utterly grateful I am for a Savior who is not only with me in my grief, but knows exactly what I'm going through.
Our heavenly home has somehow become even sweeter to me during this holiday. Maranatha. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.
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